England sinks to filthy new lows: EU swimming spots sparkle while we wade in sewage
Remember the good old days when you could happily go for a swim down the river? Not anymore
Britain has sunk to the bottom of Europe’s bathing water league tables, and the stench is impossible to ignore. While the super-rich glide through crystal-clear waters in their private pools, the rest of us are left wading through a soup of bacteria and filth, thanks to years of political failure and water company greed.
England’s dirty shame
New research has revealed English swimming waters are five times more likely to be polluted than those in the EU. Campaigners warn the UK risks reclaiming its humiliating title as the “dirty man of Europe”, a label last worn in the bad old days before environmental protections were taken seriously.
According to figures from campaign group Best for Britain, just 64.2% of England’s bathing waters were rated “excellent” last year. In the EU? A sparkling 85.4%. Worse still, England has the highest proportion of “poor” quality bathing waters in Europe—8.4%—meaning they fail even the most basic safety standards. These waters are crawling with dangerous bacteria such as intestinal enterococci and E. coli, bugs that can leave swimmers violently ill.
Compare that to the EU average of just 1.5% “poor” waters. Even Estonia, the worst-performing EU nation, fares better than us. In Northern Ireland, not a single site was rated poor—proof it’s not just “British weather” to blame.
Lack of law enforcement
But here’s the kicker: the water quality standards are exactly the same on both sides of the Channel. The difference? EU countries actually enforce them. The UK, freed from Brussels’ oversight after Brexit, has let polluting water firms and industrial agriculture run riot while regulators look the other way.
The government’s latest wheeze is to scrap Ofwat and replace it with a so-called “super regulator” but there’s no commitment to match the EU’s new plans to filter out chemical, pharmaceutical and pesticide contamination. Experts warn this will keep Britain years behind in cleaning up its rivers, lakes, and beaches.
Meanwhile, behind high hedges and electric gates, Britain’s elite float about in their pristine, turquoise swimming pools, immune to the filth the rest of us have to endure. They’re not dodging floating plasters, wet wipes and the occasional dead fish; they’re sipping prosecco on loungers while their pool boys keep things spotless.
Families face a difficult choice
For ordinary families, the choice is stark: risk your health in filthy, bacteria-laden rivers and beaches, or give up on swimming altogether (assuming you don’t want the eye-watering chemicals of your local public swimming pool). Parents who once took their children to paddle on sunny days are now faced with warning signs telling them to stay out of the water—a disgrace in one of the world’s richest countries.
Naomi Smith of Best for Britain summed it up: “No one should have to risk their or their child’s health simply by enjoying a swim.”
Yet ministers seem content to watch Britain slide further into environmental squalor, just as long as their friends can keep their luxury pools topped up and sparkling.
If we don’t act now, the “dirty man of Europe” will be back, and he’ll be wearing Union Jack swimming trunks.